December 15th, 2001

Photo - leaves

(no subject)

i'm keeping away from t.g.u.t. in the future. they have spoilers that don't really spoil, somehow.

and the end of "farscape" is going to be one major angst-fest, with the exception of this monday's episode which is... trippy. which is probably just as well because i don't think i could cope with three weeks of tears in a row. we need random insanity between all the depression.

beware the aftermath of three weeks' time. and possibly two weeks' time as well. i have a feeling my angstmuse is on a major roll....

you have been duly warned :)
Photo - leaves

oh dear god....

my muse was quite vehement about this. i had to write a poem, even though it's the one thing i can't frelling write. but would erik listen? no. i present, for your reading pleasure (or not), a poem.

i know it's terrible. i am not responsible. he is. *looks upwards contemptuously at erik*

No Man’s Land

Look and feel but never touch.
You’ll experience just as much...

The sky so dark
And the cold air stark
With ice in every breath intaken.
Tiny stars bright,
Pinpricks of light,
And pure white snow on the ground unshaken..

Listen, closely, far and near:
All the sounds you’ll never hear…

Grasses blowing,
Water flowing,
Over the fields so far from view.
A lone wolf’s growl,
A feral howl,
And snuffling of the beasts that seek you.

Sense your world and all its dwellers
In lofty trees or mildewed cellars,

On stack-hay floors,
Through beaten doors,
In a place no longer so grand.
There’s nothing to do.
Just dream your way through
And visit us here - No Man’s Land.

i'm sorry. really. so sorry...
Photo - leaves

my fantabulous amazing freaky dream: an epic in 3 parts.

i decided to sleep in until i woke up. i'm so glad i did, i just had the weirdest dream i can remember in a long time. i thought i'd write it here so i don't forget it, and so i can share it with the rest of the world...

it started ordinarily enough. i was on a boat with my mum and we were coming home from somewhere. might have been kefalonia. that part was very short as it was, and i don't remember much of it. at some point, i think there was... um... two women, one of which may or may not have been me, and they were running for a boat. and then the perspective changed and they were running along a u-shaped road which led to the dock, trying to catch up with two other people who were boarding the boat... anyway, that was all a little hazy.

next, i was in a school. i think it was either my first day or my first week, either that or just nobody liked me *shrug*. but anyway, i was in a dance group, there were four of us, practising, and i was wearing a long red skirt with a black top, and it was supposed to be the other way around, and to top that off, i was late, apparently. so i explained to the teacher why i was late, and it was because the boat back from wherever we'd been had been delayed and i hadn't actually got home in time to buy new clothes for the term, or something. (it made sense at the time)

so after the dance thing, it was lunchtime, and i was making my way to the lunch-hall along a dark corridor. the whole place was really old and very tall, about 5 floors were all library (rather like at uni, actually), and the majority of the pupils were all asian. dunno what difference that makes but it seemed to be important to my subconscious. so... then i was having lunch. there was a little blonde girl, looked sort of elf-ish (that's traci's fault...) and she was just talking to me, and we'd just sat down when the alarm went off. we were all ordered to make our way to the top of the building.

apparently, this type of alarm was Very Bad.

so we start filing up there. it turns out there's not that many pupils there. i'm getting hopelessly lost having misplaced my little blonde friend along the way, and then this guy who looked remarkably like harry potter, but not, found me and led me out. by the hand. this also seemed quite important at the time.

at this point, i nearly woke up, but in my strange semi-lucid state, i compelled it to continue.

so we're going around this library, making our way to the top, and on the third floor of library, angela's there, so she joins our little chain as we get to the top. once there, it's full of people, and they're all lying on their stomachs watching who i assume is the headmaster. he looks like dr. tucker. and... he says the foundations of the building are collapsing, and for some reason, the top floor is the safest place since they'd planned for this a while back.

the building lurches about 45 degrees to the left and everyone screams.

he tells us all not to panic. huh? anyway, then we all start talking amongst ourselves. we know we're all going to die, very very shortly, but there's nothing we can do, so we're just talking.

it's all quite amicable until the building starts lurching again and everyone starts to panic. this time it definitely wasn't a good lurch. frantically, we all start writing notes to loved ones hoping they'll find them in the debris later. for some reason, there's a counter on the wall saying how long we've all got til the building collapses completely. it reads 00.00.10 (meaning ten seconds) and just as it's down to 00.00.01, somebody fixes something downstairs (they are trying to help, apparently) and it goes back up to 00.00.11 again... weird. anyway, that still isn't much time, and i'm scrabbling about trying to find a pen that works (which turns out to be my purple fineliner) and something to write on. all i've got is a box of christmas cards, and they're so tightly shrinkwrapped it would take an hour to get into it, so i just give up.

then something strikes me... there's someone in the room, i have no idea who the frell it is or was, but this person needs to know that i love them. and i can't find them. so then i start crying along with everyone else, shouting "i don't wanna die!"

then the building collapses, in a manner similar to the escher part of "labyrinth"...

it transpires, i am not dead. but i do have to find my baby. don't ask. i have no idea either. so i find it, in a large bin at the end of an alley. i have to find the hospital, or some kind of food for it. it's dirty and screaming.

so i'm making my way along the most dangerous street in town, by night. it's smelly, and there are people being robbed and murdered all around me but i keep right on walking, crying my head off, until finally, i find the hospital.

they know me, somehow, and find my details. i check them, messily scribbling out the name of the school and bawling idiotically. then they take the baby...

and then i woke up.

most bizarre. like i said, i'm very glad i slept in. it may not make even an iota of sense right now, but... my god, it was cool at the time. one of those dreams where, for about ten minutes, you just want to turn it into the novel of the year, just because it was THAT vivid.

i still do. but as usual, with my dreams, trying to actually explain them in english requires more words than are readily available in the language. but i tried my best... nothing can match how it felt, though.

ugh. right. will stop now. i'm working on 12 hours sleep and i still feel absolutely knackered!
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