January 29th, 2002

Photo - leaves

damn... (random farscape rant)

suddenly, i really, really miss crais...

i hated him in season 1 and 2. i began to like him in season 3 when he made me laugh. 3 weeks ago, he proved himself, and now, he's dead, and i miss him!

not to mention my whole jool/crais theory which is now thrown out of the window. :(

r.i.p bialar.
Photo - leaves

oh, god...

you may recall a while back (or most likely not) that i was very pissed off about missing the 20th anniversary of "cats" and pledged to see it for its 25th.

however...

i have just been informed (i don't know if it's true), that "cats" is closing. my immediate reaction is utterly shocked, completely floored, and devastated. suddenly, my plans are all over. i'll never get to see "cats" again. i'll never have my front row seats. ever.

but more than this, there's something i can't quite explain about why this gets to me so much. there's something about this show, there always has been. i don't even understand it, so there's no way anybody else could (and how teenage depressive is that, for frell's sake...)

people who see it either love it or hate it on sight; there is no in-between. i was one of the ones who loved it, right from the start. for 6 years, this show has been so important to me, like a part of my life i couldn't have gone without. more than phantom, more than les mis, "cats" is the one i held closest to me. i want to protect it, praise it, defend it, and generally make the nation love it as much as me.

it's the longest running musical for a reason - it hasn't closed. (note, i'm not actually sure of this information yet. i know it's closed on broadway, so i guess this was inevitable.) lloyd webber has this amazingly irritating tendency to build my hopes up and dramatically and cataclismically shatter them moments later. (eg: phantom movie - he agreed to cast banderas; song from possible phantom sequel - now used in "the beautiful game"; cats - apparently closing)

i think, as i've said before, it's because i'm the same age as "cats". my parents saw it in london in 1981 when it opened. i saw it in birmingham aged 14 (1995), and then again in 1997 two days after my 16th birthday. since then, it's been one of my frelling life dreams to have front row seats. i don't know why... i really don't. but i was so sure, if i had front row seats to "cats", just once, my life would be worth living. i'm a geek, i know, and i hate this... it's just a frelling musical. i know this. it doesn't help.

another thing. i kidded myself, obviously, i know i did, but one day, i knew i'd get to perform it, either professionally, or in some amateur production. yeah, big what if... but... it seemed so plausible (this is the genuine reason i hate the fact that i can't dance for toffee)

the show's catchphrase is "a memory that will last forever". it's true, seeing it is an experience you never forget. the show's best loved song is "memory", a line of which goes "let the memory live again". i guessed it was destined to be just that - a memory, forever embossed on the minds of its dedicated fans.

i refuse to cry over a damn musical where people dress up as animals... but, still... it hurts, it hurts, it frelling hurts! i feel betrayed (sorry, it's an "i feel" statement, no getting out it), thwarted, crumpled, and very, very sad.

all forms of sympathy welcomed even if you think i'm being stupid... i need a hug. now. (actually, what i need is for someone to say "cats will run forever, you WILL get those seats, you might even be spotted and get to be in it" with enough conviction that i'll believe them. but nobody can do that. so i'll settle for a hug.)
Photo - leaves

definitive proof...

this, from the official really useful website:

"CATS closed on Broadway in September 2000 and plays it's final West End performance on it's 21st birthday on 11th May 2002. However, the show continues to play to capacity tour audiences in the US."

for a start, that's not frelling fair that they still get tours...

secondly, there's no WAY i'll get tickets to that... and i have no bloody money. i wonder if i can play on my mother's sympathy. or my dad's... it's worth a try...