April 3rd, 2002

Photo - leaves

hmm...

re-read last night's rant and promptly decided i'm never drinking THAT wine again...

and i am already obsessed with "sunset boulevard". well, heading towards it. i've been humming it all day, much to mine and my mother's annoyance... and i can hardly wait to see it on friday, and i promise i will savour every moment of it. and count the amount of times i cry...

and i just spent a fruitless couple of hours searching for fanfic, only to come up with nothing. which means i'll have to write one, and be the world's (or internet's) first "sunset boulevard" fanficcer. and, of course, i already have an idea brewing.

the mind of norma desmond seems a wonderful thing to investigate...

i got a tad worried earlier, however, when i was singing along (words in front of me) and kept crying even at the happy parts...

ineedashrink</i>
Photo - leaves

phobic pride...

i feel the urge to talk non-phobics through the experience i just had...

i'm entemophobic. i'm scared of lots of other things, but i'm technically, actually phobic of insects in all their forms. this started as spiders, wasps and moths, and now encompasses everything.

i'm a wuss. i know this.

anyway, about ten minutes ago, a moth was trying to batter its way into the room through the window. luckily, both windows were closed. the bad thing is, it was one of those huge two-inch-wingspan buggers...

i spotted it moving upwards first and inherently had the fight/flight reaction of freezing and conserving energy for either... then, my brain kicked in and told me it was outside and that both windows were most definitely closed.

i attempted to ignore it. it moved from left, to right, to left, across the window, flapping away. i looked back, because, for some reason, by watching it, i know it's not going to get me, because i'll have time to react...

it hovered briefly and persistently attempted to dig its way to the light, to no avail, luckily. by this point, logic had run off and left me to my own devices...

i shuddered right the way down my spine, suppressed throwing up, then fought back a sob. when i'm scared, i cry. i think it's some bizarre kind of defence mechanism... i closed my eyes, and by the time i opened them again, it was gone.

it took me all of 5 minutes to calm down again and reprimand myself for being stupid. and, i'm still jumpy...

this is what a phobia is like. i KNOW it's ridiculous. i KNOW there's nothing to be scared of. in theory, i should be able to tell myself this when faced with the subject of my phobia. usually i try to, but mostly, i don't have time to think, i just panic and start whimpering.

non-phobics find it very difficult to comprehend phobias, and i get increasingly frustrated with my mother telling me it's not a phobia (and she's seen how terrified i get; on holiday i had a wasp buzzing around my feet, and the advice "keep still" always sounds like a stupid idea even though i KNOW it's the right idea, and i was shuffling backwards and making the thing angrier, and whimpering and praying for it to go away... it's not a pretty sight...)

a phobia is an illogical fear, yes? 'illogical', the key word. illogical and completely beyond any control.

i'm trying to make a point to anyone who doesn't have a phobia. i can see how easily a phobia can take over someone's life; mine's only valid in the summer, it makes me stay indoors with the windows shut all day and night, and holidays in hot places sound like hell on earth...

therefore, i implore you. please do not torment the phobics.
  • Current Music
    another random bit of "SB" in my head...
  • Tags
Photo - leaves

"i'm a size four..."

whee! "bride of chaotica!" was on! (an episode of voyager shot partly in black and white, tom paris' cheesy 1930's sci-fi movie holoprogramme... long story) i'd forgotten how utterly hilariously wonderful that episode is.

admittedly, i'm all in black-and-white-silent-movie-star mode because of "sunset boulevard" (warning now. i'll be obsessing joyfully over that as soon as i've seen it, more so than i am already... i think i gained this one quicker than i did "moulin rouge", which has to be an achievement.) anyway, while i was watching kate mulgrew do her arachnia thing, it hit me that she'd have made a pretty good silent movie star. and, in fact, would indeed make a damn good norma desmond...

the episode has the worst pun in star trek history...

photonic being: (scans the doctor) you are photonic.
the doctor: guilty as charged.

*groan*

and several absolutely classic reactions. tom, reading a telegram (a very long, tedious telegram), including all the "stop"s, is interrupted by tuvok: "stop. please, summarise the message."

oh, and this. something like this, anyway...

tom: doc, can you fire the disruptor [or something like that]? it's the big button in the middle of that panel. (the doc is about to press a button in the middle of a panel.)
tom&kim: THE OTHER PANEL!!

and now i'll stop being all obsessive, and end with these words:

kate mulgrew for norma desmond! ewan mcgregor for raoul! and lots of other actors for lots of other characters i can't remember...
  • Current Music
    "ascension"/"nature boy" - "moulin rouge (2)" soundtrack
  • Tags
Photo - leaves

quizosity

When were you born: October 16th, 1981. all those who got this wrong on my quiz have to be shot ;)

Where were you born: wordsley hospital

What was your first teacher's name: mrs. right, who for some reason i called 'mark', and mrs. eccleston, who adored me...

What was your first pet’s name and what was it: crystal and bagpuss, both cats. only remember bagpuss. and the brief dog, cherry...

What was your worst accident (medical): when i was 9, i ended up in hospital when they actually managed to diagnose my asthma, for a week...

What was your favourite cartoon: warner bros. looney tunes, probably. bugs bunny/road runner and wile e. coyote. which is probably why i love "revenging angel" so much ('scape episode)


Who was your first best friend: i really don't know.

When was the first time you ever went on a plane: um... aged three or thereabouts.


Who was your first girl/boy friend: stephen. but you all knew that.

What was your favourite song when you were 10: you think i remember??

What was your favourite movie when you were 5: "the wizard of oz", "the sound of music", probably...

What did you want to be when you grew up: astronaut, pianist (that was drilled into me, though), author, vet, forensic scientist, "cats" cast member... many, many things.

What used to be your favourite colour: i'm ashamed to say it was pink. i was a girly girl.

What was your favourite subject: english/creative writing/art/science

Did you ever get sent to the principal: we all got sent to the headmistress when we got a certain number of house points, and i did when i was being bullied...

Did you ever steal anything: how many times do i have to tell the cadbury world story?

What was your worst fear: see entry a from last night...

What was your favourite toy: blanket bunny. still have him...

Did you ever suck your thumb: i, um, still do...

What was your favourite book: i have absolutely no clue...


voila.