April 10th, 2002

Photo - leaves

hmm... grumble...

something i just this second realised...

while in waterstones on monday, myself and two friends (who shall remain anonymous) were wandering. one of the friends became engrossed in reading something, while i and the other perused the fiction section.

i came to the conclusion some time ago that all the star trek and star wars novels are, in fact, nothing more than fanfics. the only difference is, the authors get paid for it, whereas fanficcers would probably get sued for the same indulgence.

upon noting this to my friend, she said: "you're just jealous."

and you know what? i am. and i admitted to this, somewhat in jest, at the time.

and sometimes i wonder... do you all think i'm doing this for my health? i write maybe... 30% of the time, and if it could be more, it would be. and while most of it may only be fanfic, it's all part of the creative process. and one day, i hope to be published with one of my original things...

i can't do it without support. comments like "but you're not published yet", which i've had, are not helping, because, even if it wasn't intentional, that comment automatically translates into "you never will be, either"...

so i give thanks to the few who have that faith in me - katie - who will always give me positive reviews no matter how crap the work is. it may not be honest, but it's a morale boost. eve - for believing in me. clare - for promising to buy everything i get published (with no 'if' involved).

but now, a simple question. a yes/no will suffice if you're short on time.

all of you, any of you, do you think there's even the smallest chance of my ever getting published? even in the distant future? because if not, i may as well just quit while i'm ahead.