August 29th, 2002

Photo - leaves

i've had e-frelling-nough...

okay, so some of you may have noticed (or not) that i've been considerably less online of late. mainly this is due to my lack of perpetual netness at university. however, there is another reason - mother/daughter internet wrestling. all summer...

see, we had this wonderful plan. my computer comes home from university. thus we end up with two computers, one for going online while the other person uses theirs for whatever. seemed a brilliant foolproof plan. ha...

within a week of my being home, my mother's computer upped and frelled itself. this happened while i was at the convention, so when i got back, my computer was all set up so she could use that. this year, she's signed up for several of those online-meeting-people sites, and has got to know one of the guys quite well, and has met him once. anyway, her computer crashed while she was online, restarted itself, and exponentially got worse as the summer went on despite being 'fixed' numerous times.

the first thing that pisses me off about this is that she said my computer wouldn't be set up until the re-electrics were done (turning a single socket into a double and generally making more plugs than my existing two), which couldn't be done until i'd tidied my room. which is fair enough. i'd only been back a week, and during that week i couldn't actually, um, move, because of the damn kidney infection. so i was perfectly willing to use the other computer until mine was set up. it seems, however, that when it suits her ends, the rules get bent.

(those that know me know that i do not rant about my mother very often, if at all. this will probably be a one-off. the last thing i need is to fall out with the one remaining family member i can stand to be around, which is why ranting this is far more sensible.)

so. we have been, basically, one-computerless since the beginning of the summer. it turns out it was the 3D card that was frelling the motherboard, but at the time we thought it was an internet-borne virus, sent through the website she was using (it wiped out two people she was talking to at the same time) so, as a matter of principle, and being deathly protective of my computer, i was a tad worried that maybe whatever bastard sent the (supposed) virus might do it again... and i really didn't want my computer being frelled up, too...

a one-PC household is NOT a happy one. in theory, i get the late shift (that's after midnight. luckily, most of my friends are either international or nocturnal, so it's not too bad.) this doesn't work when she's talking online to aforementioned guy until one in the goddamn morning. even nocturnal authors need to bloody sleep (which i can't do, because my computer, logically enough, is in my room)

usually i get a good chance of being online on wednesday and saturday nights, because she works those nights in her second job. i know she hates this job; it doesn't stop me being a selfish bitch when it comes to my bloody internet time. and i still have to quickly vacate the area when she's back so she can check her email.

i dread the phrase "i'm just going to check my email". it usually means that three hours later she'll re-emerge.

now. the thing with this guy is he randomly disappears offline, and this pisses her off. understandably so. then she calls him and he's really nice and she forgives him. meanwhile, i get to go online - and feel guilty. what's with that?!

anyway. today, the computer came back. i had to go and collect it from the house opposite where they'd left it because i was out all day (they did that last time, though; they just have appalling timing.) i was online til about 10.20pm and she came back, pounced on her computer and plugged it all in. i knew there was no way i was getting back online and handed over the modem cable (we have a very complicated system that would take too long to explain) as i said before, it was the 3D card frelling the motherboard, not an online virus... (unless said virus hit the card, of course...)

so, i retreated back to my room, did some html for the site, and listened to the rest of "sunset boulevard" very quietly. leaving the door open in case i got summoned. she returned after about an hour to say he'd done it again - gone offline without a word. then it turned out she'd left her mobile at work, with his number on it - luckily it was written on a post-it. on my desk. i don't mind her using the computer, but i have personal space issues... just like i don't mind her saving things on her own discs, but not on my hard drive (understandably enough)

admittedly without thinking, after about 15 minutes, i went to collect the modem cable and dial up. eve had given me a sentence which i was correcting for her (i do that, i'm her beta-reader) so i had MS word open for ease of correction. my mother appears and says she was actually trying to make a call when i dialed up. now, okay, so i didn't read between the lines when she was looking for the phone number. but i assumed, since it was by now quarter to one, that she'd be in bed, not trying to talk to the guy on the phone. so, yes, it was my fault. but not entirely. she didn't exactly tell me she was making the call.

so, she kicks me off the computer so she can send him a ranty email. meanwhile i get attacked by a moth on the landing and flee to my room, hovering near the back so i can't see what she's typing. damn paralysing phobia. she gives up, realising it's pointless. i go back online, feeling horribly guilty by this point. she borrows my mobile to call him.

then comes back and has mellowed slightly and explains things, which makes me rant with less conviction. but this has been brewing since july so it's about time i vented it...

i want to be back at uni now, please...
Photo - leaves

and while i'm on the subject of families...

more ranting on my father... because i can.

he has acquired a lady friend who lives near new york. he thinks this makes him very cool in the world of the internet. i should show him my AIM buddy list. i should then show him the amount of people on there that know me better than him...

said lady friend phones him occasionally. she wants him to visit her. she lives in a huge bloody house on a lake, of which i have seen a picture, that she designed herself when her old one got completely destroyed in a hurricane (i think.)

anyhoo...

he's all set to go see her. for our family (all sides of it), travel to america has always been something 'the rich people' do, because we simply can't afford it. suddenly, he's willing to fork out £300 for a ticket to go see this woman in america. which no doubt means yours truly gets screwed out of yet another child support payment cheque or fifteen.

for me, travel to america has always been far beyond my wildest dreams. and now, it's The Dream, the one ambition - to get there, off my own bat, having earnt it and got there on my own, no matter how i do it. the main point being that i can get away from my bloody insane family. my father and grandmother are treating this whole "going to see the lady in america" situation very, well, childishly. they haven't considered visas, for a start. they're adamant they're going to live there. and they want me to go with them. oh, sure, are they gonna pay for my plane ticket?

it annoys me. it almost feels as though they're making fun of me. they're not. but it feels like that. or they're mocking me... "oh, look, i can go to america and meet my friend and you can't." i can't really explain it. it feels like... they're making everything i've aspired to since i was about 12 seem completely farcical and pointless...

but i swear if they mention it one more time i'm going to scream.

if i end up living in a box, you'll all know why.