September 16th, 2002

Photo - leaves

note to self: do not read 100,000-word long angstfics after midnight...

disclaimer: this is late-night angst cause from sleep deprivation and in no way reflects my actual mental state. actually, i'm frighteningly chipper... or maybe i'm just manic depressive...

that feeling again.

that feeling of wanting to scratch and bite and scream and tear and rip things up into small pieces, of needed to get inside myself and force out whatever it is that's wrong, battling it into submission, just to have a normal life.

that feeling that my brain is shattered and fractured and jumbled up, a mishmash of emotions i no longer desire nor crave, like someone rewired my entire head with the sole purpose of driving me slowly insane. like i want to screw it all up into a little ball and hope it unfolds in the right order.

that feeling of the unknown, the mysterious, the nothingness that lies in my field of vision, of a future built on imagery and fantasy and distant hope, of simply wanting to know.

that feeling of times past, of not being able to shake the nostalgia, of memories that consume.


that feeling of having been around a year, of realising changes, of wondering what changes have yet to occur. of realising i can map my world out on a cyber-journal for the universe to see, of not caring what that universe thinks, because it's my world, goddammit.

tomorrow, i am one. happy birthday to me.
Photo - leaves

(no subject)

**12 days to go, and now i'm getting scared...**

i politely request the populus to ignore my last entry completely. thank you.

anyhoo. i watched 'fool for love' today (buffy) and forgot to tape it, which is annoying, because i have to watch it again and try not to go "aw!" every 5 seconds. william is just too adorable for words.

moving on...

i got my old master system ii set up today just to see if it works, and then realised how bloody irritating it was...

i think that's about everything. oh, and i got a gorgeous skirt today in dotty p's. it's long, brown corduroy, and all flared and long and nice :)