June 30th, 2005

Photo - leaves

[insert snappy and original subject here]

Saw Paul earlier.  We met up for drinks, hastily arranged this afternoon, as we were feeling better than yesterday and I was less likely to be all moody and weird.  My brain has settled down somewhat as a result; not completely, but I'm not, at least, desperately wanting to gouge my brain out with a fork.

I did vaguely figure out why I was so angry last night.  I think it was mostly to do with the fact that I'd been having mood swings all frelling day and by the evening I was just well and truly pissed off about it.  I calmed down marginally whilst eating my chicken-kebab-and-chips dinner (food solves everything, obviously) and was then in a foul mood again almost immediately afterwards.  Muttered briefly to Shilpa and Eve on messenger and realised that I suck at life in general and am a terrible friend (don't ask), so by the time I got to bed I was pretty much an emotional wreck.

Which wasn't helped by the fact that dammit, I needed a hug.  That was all.  Just a hug.  Except my hug-giver was on the other side of the frelling city being moody over his own problems, which was partially why I was so blech all night anyway.

So, all in all, not a pleasant evening last night.  I went to bed early (10.30ish), cried pathetically for half an hour, and then didn't get to sleep til midnight because my brain wouldn't STFU and let me sleep.  So, tired again today.  I can deal more with the 'sleepy' tired, I think, because there's an actual cause.  It's the mental, emotional and physical exhaustion I can't cope with.  Nevertheless, I'm getting bored now.  I would like one day to go past when I'm not tired.  Is that so much to ask?  Really?


Inline-type people: I may or may not be in attendance at the cocktail party/shindig tomorrow night.  I'll see how I'm feeling by the afternoon and will probably leave a message on Inline either way.  Part of me wants to get paralytically drunk along with all the other 'mopey gits' (I swear there's something going round), but the other, more sensible part, reminds me that I'm really starting to hate being drunk.  Mostly because I turn into an idiot or get really ridiculously over-emotional (which, considering I already am, would not be pretty) or upset people.  It's not fun.  On the other other hand, I think all the mopey gits should form a mopey git solidarity and mope together over our respective woes.

Eh, we'll see.

Will not be at Capones gig, however, as I need to see my father on Sunday as he still owes me £30, but I think this week I should probably broach the not-going-anymore situation.  Still debating whether or not to tell him about the counselling, as he'll ask why and I'll inevitably end up saying something I shouldn't...

This was meant to be a short entry.