September 12th, 2005

Photo - leaves

When I tell you I have a phobia, it's not because I'm trying to be melodramatic, okay?

More on that later...

Saturday
Very little, actually.  Copious watching of crap television (mostly X-Factor and Xtra Factor and old repeats of Catchphrase... I'm turning yoshi into quite the ubergeek) and eating and not much else really.  We had a Catchphrase competition which I lost 10-9, which was annoying.  Ended the evening watching Some Like It Hot, which I'd taped about a year ago and forgotten about.  Billy Wilder has to stop with the slash.  Like, seriously...

Sunday
More watching of television and videos, after dismantling my step-shelves and taking them downstairs.  We watched Bottom: Fluff (out-takes and extended scenes, proving that Ade Edmondson is just generally funnier than Rik Mayall) and Forrest Gump (forgot how good that film was) and some crap on UK H&L about cooking... it happened to be on so we watched it.

Today
My first day as a council employee, and the induction was rather pointless because I know most of what she was meant to tell me... I need to get an ID card and stuff and that's about it.  The highlight (or, well, not) of the day happened at lunchtime, and refers to my subject...

There I was, happily having finished my lunch and emailing Paul, when a frelling bloody daddylonglegs (a big frelling brown one) wandered out from behind my PC, trampling all over my earphones for the dictating machine.  Thanks a lot, evil creature, I have to use those tomorrow. *shudders*  So, anyway, my immediate reaction was to propel the chair backwards away from the desk - luckily there was nobody behind me - and ponder what on earth to do about it.  Sandra happened to be using the board a few seconds after this so I asked her if she could get rid of it.  She helpfully commented that it looked like a dragonfly (uh, thanks...) and did nothing.  Liz H came in and I asked her to kill it...

...and, of course, the damn thing had disappeared.  If Sandra hadn't seen it as well, I'd be convinced I'd imagined it.  Liz suggested I should just squash it... which is all very well, but it's rather hard to do that, what with the paralysing fearand all.

So.  When I say I have a phobia, it's because I do.  I'm not just being melodramatic.  I am actually afraid of insects.  Yes, I know it's irrational and stupid and I should grow up, but that's the trouble with a phobia.  Unless you have one, it's impossible to understand.  It does paralyse you and render you unable to function, and it does affect your every day life, and people thinking it's silly, or telling you to calm down, does not help.  Got that?  Good.

Needless to say, I was twitchy and paranoid for at least two hours afterwards, especially not knowing where the thing had gone, and every tiny movement out of the corner of my eye was making me jump.  It's safe to say that the phobia was finally detrimental to real life, as I was incapable of thinking rationally for at least 45 minutes and had to print something off four times before I got it right, through random typos and the wrong tray.

All the phobics communities on LJ suck.  I'm going to create one called "phobanon" or some such and invite people to vent about their phobias and not be fucking laughed at.  Watch this space.