2. Also, Sandra, stop eating all the fucking chocolates.
3. TV Licencing people, you evil, corporate frellniks, why can't I just make the usual monthly payments of £12 per month by Direct Debit for an ongoing period of time, instead of being charged twice that much because the bastard thing expires in January but still costs full price? I'll renew it in bloody July next year, okay? Jesus. Also, your stupid online form doesn't have a long enough character limit for the full name of the joint account from which I'll be paying it - and, furthermore, that joint account doesn't have a frelling chequebook, so telling me to put the full name "as it appears on your chequebook" is not the helpful information you think it is.
4. And what, exactly, was wrong with paying for a TV licence at the post office? Why must it now (well, after 31st July) be done either online or by telephone? What if I were a little old lady with my portable black and white telly, without access to a telephone and unknowledgeable about this new-fangled internet? Huh? THEN WHAT??
5. Raj, it's very nice that you're so jolly and everything, but it doesn't mean you can be demanding and expect everything done for you. I appreciate that this was the way things worked at Greencoat House, but here at Ladywood you will not be getting your personal assistant. Also, the pens that are marked "Flipchart Marker" are NOT for use on the whiteboard. The reason? They don't rub off, at least not without cleaning fluid. I've already told you the whiteboard pens are in the drawer, so frelling USE them, don't just reach for the first pen you can find and scribble on the board. Especially when what you scribble is actually wrong.
6. Also, everyone else, I labelled the drawers to make your life easier. If you're too lazy to read the labels, that's not my problem.
7. And could you stop rearranging my envelope drawer? Yes, you heard. MY envelope drawer. It's not the office envelope drawer. The envelopes are in the stationery cupboard, the same as always. The drawer by my desk is and always has been my drawer, and I would have appreciated you not delegating it to be the envelope drawer when I was ON LEAVE and therefore unable to argue. Unfortunately, there's no key, or I would lock you all out of it.
8. Social Workers, various and sundry, stop being pains in the arse and bloody well LOOK for things. They're not in one folder? Try another. Exhaust all possibilities before you come and whine at us about the minutes not being there. Because inevitably, they will be, and you will have wasted our time.
9. Other Social Workers, please learn about respecting personal space. Don't stand three inches behind my chair, and DEFINITELY don't back me into a corner. I will be more helpful if you give me space to breathe.
10. Birmingham City Council, or the Highways Department, or whoever, please can you resurface that bit of Warstone Lane just before Icknield Street? Every time a bus goes over it I feel my spine crack. I would be very appreciative, as would my back.
That makes a nice, even ten. I have my interview/typing test tomorrow, but I'm hoping the PMT will have passed by then. Everything in the universe is unnecessarily complicated, and usually because of money. Money should be abolished, and that's the only solution...