Murder mystery party was quite fun, but there was a bit too much information in the player manuals to try and remember so we were constantly flipping back after being accused of stuff with "Um... hold on..." Met some nice friends of Drew and much fun was had. Photograph is here...
Today we slept in until 12.30. I was very very tired and still am and want to go back to sleep... Paul has now gone out to play badminton with Drew and we're going shopping when he's back... I should do a really long post for the Most Haunted community I joined on Thursday but I can't be bothered, so I'll do it tomorrow instead...
Under the cut is the musings on fandom that I wrote in my paper journal on Thursday night, tidied up a bit...
The worst thing about fandom is it moves. It gallops on ahead and leaves the stragglers behind. I joined a new Most Haunted community just now in hopes of regaining my old love for the show, but I don't know if I'll ever regain the madness and insane silliness we had in the fandom before it fell apart.
I want to stand up and shout to all my fandoms: "STOP! Hold everything!", and then get them to sit down and listen as I regale my tale of woe. I lost my fandoms when I lost my mind; years of obsession and pointless knowledge, all gone. I can feel the potential still within me, with new things like Ugly Betty, and the old stirrings of fandom-joy return when I read fic, or watch old episodes. It would be easy to get it back - too easy, perhaps - and I know it would all come flooding if I gave it the chance.
I think most of the problem was that my fandoms had all finished when it happened, including Most Haunted - the series I was watching at that point was endless, and it was at my own personal worst when the problems between the team, and Derek's subsequent leaving, came to a head. I didn't gain any new fandoms through lack of access, lack of energy, lack of interest, and that was the worst thing. Fandom has always been a good outlet for me, because putting stuff into the context of loved characters always makes it seem easier to deal with. "What would Buffy do?" I'd think. "How would John react in this situation?". Putting stuff into a fandom context helps to sort it through in my own head. Perhaps if I'd still had that outlet, things would have been different. Perhaps, all these years, my fandoms have kept me sane. It wouldn't be even slightly ironic that the lack of fandom was the icing on the cake in tipping me over the edge, as their ending so neatly coincided with leaving university and getting a job, and learning to live in the real world.
I would love to have the spare time for fandom that I did at uni, but it won't happen whilst I'm working full-time. Even if work didn't get in the way, housework would. Boyfriend would. It's all the same, really. You can't combine fandom - an online, 'lonely' activity - with real life commitments. Which it not to say that I would change things, because I wouldn't. Fandom fills a void left by the lack of something else to love, and perhaps that's why I can't focus my energy into it properly any more.
Perhaps it's just a case of better time management. I feel more 'normal' these days than I have in a while, and I think regaining fandom to a degree I'm happy with will be a long process. I can't juggle the multiple fandoms like I could, but having a few would be nice. I miss the group element of fandom, even whilst sitting a PC on my own, and I miss the euphoria it brings amongst like-minded masses.
For now, I'll see what my newly-joined community holds. I am overwhelmed by the desperate need to catch up in one fell swoop - "This is what I USED to be like!" - but that would be a bit presumptuous. I must be calm, and reintegrate myself slowly. Wherever I am at, I seem to create a presence, a reputation, and I gather friends whilst there. Some are lasting, some less so. I've chosen Most Haunted as a fandom to work on because it's still there. It's changed, it's moved on, but there are still fans who remember the good old days, and a fandom which exists is much easier than a fandom which doesn't. The other fandoms will return as and when I can find the time to get back into them. I will be patient.
So, there you go. I think today I will work on making a prettypretty banner type thing for my Come Forward MH-novel thing, so I can give it a proper link when I do my uber-post on the new community. It'll stop me falling asleep, at any rate...
There doesn't seem to be a direct bus from the station to the castle, either, so it's a mile walk, but at least it'll be a pretty walk so that's okay. This is when not being able to drive becomes a REAL pain in the arse. Anyway, Chiltern apparently do a special entrance offer that (on investigation) costs the same as Centro's and saves you a grand total of 95p. However I suspect that Chiltern charge less for the privilege of travelling than Centro do. Since I can't check the ticket prices, I wouldn't know. *eye roll*
I think we're set on going to Warwick Castle, anyway. Which'll be nice. Giving up on the tattoos idea because I don't know what I want and most of my custom stuff will cost twice as much as usual.
Everything's so expensive, these days. *sigh*
Anyway. Photoshop time.