1. Thanks to Google and a random download, my keyboard is now British again.
2. Between us Paul and I managed to install a 4-port USB 2.0 PCI card into the PC, with the help of a screwdriver and some PCI screws from my old machine (the new one had none, for some reason) so I can now, at least plug in high-speed devices such as my Creative Zen MicroPhoto...
3. Except that the bloody thing still won't work. It connects, the PC finds it, but then it says it's not working properly and won't do anything else. Also, because I haven't managed to do anything with it since buying it, the battery is completely dead and you can't actually do anything with it unless it has some small amount of battery life. It refused to charge at all through the wall charger but I've left it charging anyway (it also refuses to charge via the PC like it's supposed to - apparently you have to set it as a 'removable disk' but if I can't turn it on I don't quite see how)... Since I've had to essentially buy a new PC and a bloody PCI card to boot, I've essentially paid full price for the bloody thing anyway...
4. Apparently Windows XP Essential (my new OS) doesn't actually have any support for the UK (INternational) keyboard layout. Well. Screw you then, Microsoft, you American bastards.
Further Good Things:
5. Anyway. At least I now have a functional scanner. Paul will be making use of it later.
6. To make up for the crappy MP3 stuff, I hunted through IMDb for an old Garfield movie I remembered from my childhood, and have subsequently bought Garfield: His 9 Lives on VHS from Amazon. Thank you, Internets.