T'eyla Minh (teylaminh) wrote,
T'eyla Minh

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I seem to have spent the last 15 minutes or so (at 10.30am) having some kind of mild panic attack. As in, heart beating faster and the shakes. Other than that and the usual tiredness, I feel absolutely fine. (Not as bad as the last one, which happened when I was at Ladywood during my period of going crazy, in the process of which I blacked out for about three seconds...)

Oddly, it seemed to kick in shortly after reading up on Inline about whether BCC would pay for my eye test. The entire rigmarole sounds confusing and stupid and unnecessarily awkward (such is the BCC way, of course; make things as difficult as humanly possible so we give up and don't bother) and in any case, my manager isn't in today so I can't even ask her about it. All the documentation makes it sound as though being a VDU user as an ordinarily perfectly-sighted person is a cause for concern, but doesn't explicitly mention anything about us poor blindies who have to go through this bloody fiasco every couple of years. It's all worded in a "Should the employee require glasses..." type manner, and, well, yes, I do require glasses, but it's not because of VDU use, it's because I'm genetically impaired.

If Paul and I have children, they are doomed to be short (his genes and mine), ginger (also his) and blind (mine), and will be bullied for their entire lives. Perhaps we should call Social Services in advance.

Anyway, I can only presume mild!panic-attack is directly in correlation with money!stress, and BCC being over-complicated was obviously the icing on top.


Have some X-Files ramblings instead. I'm over halfway through season 3 now, having watched "Pusher" and "Teso dos Bichos" last night.

The other night, watching "Syzygy", I was explaining the so-called 'tiff arc' to Paul, as he asked why Mulder was being snarky at Scully. I'd actually forgotten about said 'tiff arc' until he mentioned that, or at least when it occurred. At the time I just took it for granted (the snarking was funny more than anything else) without really understanding where it had originated from. And now, of course, I know it's because of "Revelations", and Scully's sudden unprecedent religious re-awakening. Obviously, at this point in the season, it was quite a point of contention for the characters and their dynamic, with Mulder failing to understand why she can believe in God, and Scully failing to understand why it's the one thing he can't believe in. Being a bit Mulder-esque in my beliefs myself (which have also developed since originally watching the series, though they were my initial reason for watching...), that particular aspect of the episode was quite interesting.

The reason I mention this is because "Pusher" is the episode which marks the end of the 'tiff', and the single important gesture is right at the very end when Scully reaches out for Mulder's hand. That was always - of course - the bit which I remembered about the episode, but on watching last night it was a very different scene that I found particularly profound. During the 'Russian roulette' sequence involving Modell and the agents, there's that bit where Modell 'pushes' Mulder to train the pistol on Scully. There was a point during their silent communication where the look in his eyes literally sent a shiver down my spine. I can't even begin to try and describe it, but it was utterly amazing.

That's all I wanted to say.

Oh, except that the way "War of the Coprophages" is put together is actually really clever, at least in terms of the way Scully's attitute towards Mulder and the case changes from the beginning onwards from blasé disinterest to sleeping next to the telephone. Absolutely brilliant, and also something else I must have missed the first time around due to general naive giggliness. Realising how these things work only makes them all the more effective, and I'm now looking forward to the comedy episodes more than usual, to figure out how and why they work so well. :)

This re-watch has really made me want to start up with Farscape again. I caught a bit of a new Stargate the other day starring Ben and Claudia and it's just WEIRD and WRONG for them to not be playing John and Aeryn. Want more 'Scape. *pouts*

Okay, that'll have to do. There's not much to do today and I'm suck here til 5.30 so Paul can help me pick out new diamond-encrusted and gold-plated judging by the cost frames...
Tags: fandom: x-files, health, money, work: legal
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