Holiday weekend time, baby! Who gets to cut out early this afternoon for a long weekend? Huh?
The rest of us will just be here, "working." Though to be honest, we may not have our full attention on what we're doing.
"What country is this, again?"
You ever get a little punchy while you're waiting to clock out?
[giggling] "Ok, ok, now throw this York peppermint patty on it. DO IT. I dare you."
"OH MY GOSH SHE DID IT."
"Look! I made a toothbrush!
"A cake toothbrush! I AM A GENIUS. KNEEL BEFORE ZOD! MWUAH-Ha-haaaa!"
But mostly I bet you're just watching the clock and phoning it in, am I right?
"Like I'm going to look up a reference image at 4 o'clock on a Friday."
And my favorite:
Since bakers have always struggled with all those stars on the US flag, cake companies made a plastic insert they could use. Unfortunately, no one told the bakers they still have to add the rest of the flag:
I like it. Very... clean.
So remember, my fellow Americans: get out there this weekend and celebrate our Independence the way bakers intended:
Thanks to Denise, Sarah R., Chantene Z., Erin P., Steph K., Allison, Danae H., Ed P., & Beth H., for helping us get all this "work" done.
Yes, I know Halloween is a full three months away. No, I don't care, because this year All Hallows Eve coincides with the full moon, and that means we need epic Eerie/Hocus Pocus crossovers.
Will Max and Mars run into each other while attempting to thwart Bette Midler's plans? Are Binx and Dash the same guy, or just a boy and a cat who sound remarkably similar? Do Simon and Danni have a standing movie-night date on the last Saturday of each month? Dig out your DVDs, put on your fanwork hats (these may or may not be baseball caps turned sideways) and let everyone know your thoughts!
Hey bakers, you know how you all get together in shadowy back rooms and debate which new frosted horrors to unleash on your unsuspecting customers?
Well, never thought I'd say this, but you've finally outdone yourselves.
Blue Cake Tacos.
That's like a whole new breed of wrong. Srsly. I'm talking "because 'MURICA" wrong. I'm talking BK's deep fried Cheetos-crusted Mac n' Cheese sticks wrong. Which, as we all know, is so wrong it's almost right. (But still so, so wrong.)
Just to avoid any confusion, minions, you might attach a photo of the cake you want to your bakery order, and then be VERY clear that *your* cake should be identical to the cake shown.
Of course, if you do that, then you also might get this.
Technically, that IS "identical to the cake shown."
When your grill cake looks better upside down:
See? MUCH better as a bug-eyed monster.
Possibly the most hysterical label BOOPSIE I've seen yet:
If only all SHT MARBLE cakes had "quick responsive handling," am I right? Though not too sure about the Wet Traction part. o.0
Psst. Don't look now, but I think little Reid's cake is having, shall we say, dark thoughts:
Sorry, kids, I *would* cut the cake, but Murder Monkey just whispered something about "red rum" and now we're all having salad instead.
Hey, you know how people say, "You're a peach!" when they really mean,"You're a butt-faced cretin and I hate you"?
NOW THERE'S A CAKE FOR THAT.
Best served under a full moon.
But(t) before you poo-poo my jokes, I promise that crack was completely tongue-in-cheek.
Thanks to Sarah E., Alanna B., Ivy W., Melissa K., Sara W., & Vicki S. for keeping the Fern Gully cracks on the DL.
Slightly off topic but would it surprise you to learn that boob mousepads are a thing? No? Because I was tempted to link to the Deadpool version, which is hilarious but a bit too NSFW. So instead, please enjoy these squishy Corgi butt designs:
Don't you hate it when you get to the party and/or bakery and everyone's started drinking without you?
Of course, most folks know it simply as:
4th July of.
Or July 4th of.
Yes, friends, it’s a day to salute all nations, but mostly America. Preferably with a glorious three-hour finale, condensed into a minute and a half. (OBSCURE MUPPET JOKE HEYOOOO)
"You are all WEIRDOS."
It’s a day of fireworks, fun, and patriotic grilled meat... um... cakes. Obviously.
"You know what this 4th of July sh*t grill needs? A FUZZY PURPLE BORDER HEYOOOO!" - a drunk baker, probably
(John: "You already used the 'heyooo' thing, take that out." Me: IT'S MY BLOG HEYOOOOO John: "...." Me: "Pass me my drink, farm boy. HEYOOOOO." John: "No. You've had enough tea." Me: "NOOOOOOOO HEYOOOOO" John: "I've quit better jobs than this.")
So whatever you're up to this weekend, folks, just remember: It’s also the day we celebrate the great Will Smith movie.
Just as soon as we remember how to spell it.
Thanks to Matthew C., Julie A., Samantha W., Katie S., & Ashleigh G. for reminding me what movie to watch this weekend. HEYOOOOO.
And if you’re looking for some craft tutorials or inspiration, look no further than our very own,
It's too small for stomach-sleepers, but just big enough to tuck under your neck and cheek if you sleep on your side. Most of the time I didn't even freeze it first; it's cool enough as-is to last most of the night. Give it a try if you keep flipping your pillow at night to cool off, it really helps! Just be sure to check the seal when you close it, since mine leaked a little when I first got it.
Thanks to Lisa M., Kelsey D., Jason M., Stacie H., Melanie W., Whitney K., Ruth C., Rachel V., Jill, Dena, Carrie K., Tina W., & Rachel M., who I bet all agree with me that the birthday song is the worst. Along with anything else you're forced to sing at fellow adults in restaurants. And don't get me started on those funny paper hats. Have I mentioned I'm an introvert? DON'T SING TO ME. But leave the cake. And a fork. No, I'm not sharing. WHAT.
In lieu of singing, may I suggest hanging this delightfully cat-astrophic birthday garland?
The product photos are a wild ride all on their own, to be honest. Is the kid in the 4th pic supposed to be a cat? And how long did it take you to notice the gratuitously photoshopped kitten-holding-balloons in the "No-DIY Require" shot? Ha!
"Ok, staff, July 4th is coming and we need new cake designs. I'm talking stuff that screams, 'AMERICA.'" [pointing] "Jackie, GO."
"I like it. Pat?"
"Maybe a gator-lookin' thing?"
"Smart thinking; we'll ride the dinosaur craze. Gail?"
"Um. Poo cupcakes?"
"We already make those, Gail."
"... with red, white, and blue sprinkles?"
"Wesley, my man! Give me something sexy."
"Ok, you're going to love this. Picture, if you will..." [jazz hands] "...FLOPPY WANG."
"But just to be safe, you better stick to your burning trashcans."
"I told you, they're not..."
[Everyone all together] "Shut up, Wesley."
"Now, Sally, baby! Whaddaya got that screams 'AMERICA'?"
"It's like you're the only one who gets me, Sally."
Thanks to Anna S., Cassidy T., Madison W., D.E., Emma D., & Caroline and Elyse for the thumbs up.
P.S. I texted John to ask if this t-shirt would offend anyone, because I feel like I have friends of all political persuasions who would wear it. John's reply was 2 solid minutes of guffaws, so I'm going with it: