Remember those old drawing contests they used to advertise in the backs of magazines? The ones with a picture of a turtle or a pirate you were supposed to copy?
Well, Melissa decided to try that route with her bakery. She gave them this picture of a frog and asked them to copy it:
Don't worry though, bakers; I still see artistic potential here. In fact, if you send me money every month I'll continue critiquing your work FOR FREE. Eh?
And if you believe that one, here's another:
Samira ordered this giant cupcake (made of smaller cupcakes and apparently photographed with a potato), and here's the crazy thing: she was told she would actually GET that cake.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh. It's just, I've seen the next picture.
Seriously, minions, don't order cupcake cakes (patooie!) - and never EVER order a cupcake cupcake cake. I think it breaks the space time continuum.
And lastly, Kristy gave her bakery this napkin to match for a baby shower cake:
The bakery then did something I've never seen before.
That's right, you guys, this is a first!
The bakery started with an edible image - which looked fine - but then traced over the image with icing, resulting in the kind of nightmare fuel you don't generally see outside of Five Nights At Freddy's:
The longer you look, the scarier it gets.
Plus I like how the baker just stopped about 80% of the way through. Like, "WHELP THAT'S RUINED, guess I'll just leave the palm leaves and border and donkey face off now." o.0
Thanks to Melissa G., Sarah H.,& Kristy H. for reminding there is ALWAYS a new way to wreck it. Always.
P.S. While we're talking baby showers, here's a timely reminder:
BIRTHDAYS, am I right? They're just so... predictable. Every year like clockwork, the same old parties, the same cracks about getting old, the same legal notices advising you the restraining orders issued by your favorite boy band are still in effect...
So I say, if you can't beat 'em, make them worse for everyone else.
Does it help or hurt that her name is Penny? Asking for a friend. Whose name is Penny.
You know how people love it when you call attention to their seasonal allergies?
Boo to the Ya.
("See, it's funny, because your health is poor and that constant sniffing annoys the rest of us! Did you get that? Oh, you did? Cool. Just wanted to make sure. )
I'll be honest, I don't think Willow needed to know this:
SO I APPROVE.
Now Willow, you can retaliate with THIS:
Bonus: this could be botched "cheapskate" OR it could be calling Kate cheap. Either way, I think we ALL come out winners here.
And finally, for those times when the words "You're a horse's a$$, Dad" just aren't enough:
Or is that a donkey butt?
WAIT... no. Could it be? Is that...
Is that an ass's a$$?
YESSSSS. So is it like when you say someone is a "real man's man"? Meaning Dad here is a "real ass's a$$?"
I'm tearing up. It's so beautiful.
Thanks to Brandi D., Maryann S., Anony M., Jeannette M., & Anony T. who think I'm ridiculous for censoring one a$$ but not the other. Yes, yes I am. Now, bottom's up!
P.S. In case your life was missing a set of cat butt magnets, I found you some:
Bakers, I know today's topic is a toughie. Heck, after gathering all of these photos even *I* can't remember how to spell it. But that's why I'm here. To "help." And because going anywhere else requires pants.
Right. Here we go. Metaphorically, I mean. Just wipe that "pants" imagery from your mind. Also my use of the word "wipe" just now - that was an unfortunate stream of consciousness thing. Don't say "stream." Crap. Um... look, my number 1 priority here is that you know I DON'T PEE MY PANTS.
Phew! Glad I nipped that in the butt before it got weird.
Bud. I MEANT "BUD."
Great. Now how do I segue this back to anniversary cakes?
7 Handy Steps To Writing "Anniversary"
Eh, that works.
1. First and foremost, make sure you're spelling the right word.
This is not the right word.
2.Watch out for abbreviations. Believe me, nobody likes sharing their anniversary with a third party.
Especially this "Ann" character, who really gets around.
3. Next, WE SPELL.
But not like this.
If you're feeling less than confident, here's a hint: the correct spelling has MORE than 7 letters:
...but less than 13:
And this is right out:
4. NO CHEATING.
Besides, cheating can lead to this situation:
Er, I meant the cake, but if you think about it, I suppose cheating *could* lead to 60 weddings. You know, if you're really committed... to the opposite of that.
I blame Ann.
5. If you are going to leave the word off, at least get the numbereth righteth:
1th, 2th, 3th times a lady...
6. And if you have the penmanship of a serial killer, maaaaybe rethink this particular career path:
Or at least stick to Halloween cakes.
And Boss's Day. Boss's Day works, too.
7. When all else fails...
Go with Batman.
Thanks to Dina M., Keith M., Robbie R., Anony M., Tori R., Nathan R., Vera L., Jennifer K., Sarah R., Corinna K., Z.C., & Adam M. for the reminder that your anniversary cake should always be itself, unless it can be Batman. Then it should be Batman.
P.S. Here's one of the coolest gift ideas I've seen for a Batman fan, also works great for anniversities, aniverys, and bat mitzvahs. (See what I did there?))
Stacey had a flowery paper plate she wanted her cake to match, so she brought it in to her bakery and asked them to use it as a reference for the decorations.
Unfortunately, what her baker heard wasn't so much "use this as a color/flower reference" as it was "Take this plate, cram it in the photocopier, print it on edible paper, and smack that shiz on some cake. But be sure to place it at a super weird angle, so it looks wrong no matter which way it's facing. Yes, really. This is exactly what I want you to do."
Do I even need a drum roll anymore? Tell you what, instead, just imagine more of an "angry chickens thwacking you in the face" kind of sound. Seems more apropos.
[sniff] It's.. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks to Stacey W., who promises to glare at any and everyone who chimes in to say at least the border icing matches. YOUR MOVE, COMMENTERS.
I'm told this hardcover gift book is a must for Alien fans, and it sounds hilarious: "From facehuggers to feather dusters, discover how the perfect killing machine relaxes after a day of scaring space marines."
One of the best bunny butt cakes I've seen - and how is it possible to make a carrot that cute?
You're probably expecting one of those traditional lamb cakes now, but after extensive research I've determined even the pros can't make them look all that great. ("Shredded coconut sheep dogs for everyone!!")
I mean, the whole thing is fabulous, but that egg house? ADORBZ.
I remember getting a new pastel dress each year for Easter - one time with a big white sun bonnet, even, uhthankyouverramuch - and this last cake is like all those frilly dresses and bonnets and lace-trimmed socks all magically mixed together:
Gather round, little Easter cakes, and I'll tell you a story.
"Is it a scary story?"
"But I don't LIKE scawwy stowies."
Oh, ok, ok. I'm sorry. Don't cry. Hey, you know what? It actually ISN'T a scary story, it's a happy, funny story.
So Wilhelm, you can stop holding your breath now:
Ok, here we go.
Once upon a time - a really FUNNY, HAPPY time - a group of bunny rabbits found a field filled with the most enormous carrots.
"Did one of the rabbits have all his legs sprouting from his chest upside down and backwards, too?
"Yay! Harold's in the story!"
Yes, yes, it's wonderful.
Ok. So. Suddenly, the giant carrots in the field rose up and ATE ALL THE BUNNIES.
And the bunnies were all, "AAA! We're being eaten by giant carrots!"
"Uh, that doesn't seem very happy OR funny...."
Well, the rabbits thought it was very funny to be eaten.
Now why are YOU guys crying?
[sniffling] "You said this was a GOOD story."
It is! I just haven't gotten to the best part yet! See, next a bunch of little chickens came along and found these ENORMOUS chocolate chip cookies lying around. And then the FUNNIEST thing ever happened. Haha! Can you guess? Well, can you?
You know what, never mind. It's nap time. THE END.
Thanks to Caroline V., Allison N., Rachael J., Adash, Brian & Courtney, KJ, Robin G., Carrie M., Anne B., Su M., Twist, & Larissa B. for helping show why I'm such a terrible babysitter.
P.S. I'm told this is ALSO a happy funny story. Or at least funny.